MySpace, Tagged Fuck You

OK this is a bulletine I got on my Tagged account. Tagged is alot like MySpace & Facebook, it is a community meeting place. This posting will work on just about and forum type web site. Just change the Sites name if you want to use it on yours.

FUCK YOU!!
HANDS DOWN – THE BEST BULLETIN I’VE EVER READ

Fuck You number 1
OK PEOPLE STOP POSTING GOODNIGHTS ON TAGGED ITS NOT LIKE TAGGED IS YOUR FUCKING HUSBAND OR WIFE TO SAY GOOD NIGHT DUMB ASS.

Fuck you number 2
quit posting stupid bulletins like
“OH-MY-GOD this WORKS!!!”
No, it doesn’t!

Fuck You number 3
To the people who have like 25,000 friends;
Are you fucking serious? You’re stupid. Go play in traffic.

Fuck you number 4
Don’t ever post pictures and say:
“OMG, I’m so ugly”
because if you were, you wouldn’t post them. If you do you’re a fucking moron.

Fuck you number 5
NOBODY cares about threats over the internet,
so don’t try to act hardcore with the keyboard.
Fighting online is like racing in the Special Olympics;
Even if you win, you’re still retarded.

Fuck you number 6
Quit crying because you’re not on someones ’Top 8’.
Who cares?!?
If you really cared that much, you would pick up the damn phone!

Fuck you number 7
Who really cares if I don’t accept you as a friend?
MOVE ON!!!
Don’t send me another request or message asking
“What’s up with you not adding me?”
I don’t want you as a friend, that’s what’s up, Asshole….

Fuck you number 8
6th,7th,8th graders who have Tagged and look like sluts,
and act like whores; Go somewhere else because nobody wants you here

And Parents -
Quit blaming Tagged for your kid being a hooker, she was a whore before Tagged, and she’d be a whore without it! What does that say about your parenting skills? Think about it!

Fuck you number 9
If you have decided to read this, you are a true Tagged Friend.
Real friends read their bulletins, except for the ones about those fucking ringtones….

Fuck you number 10
If you open a bulletin and it says something like repost this in 100 seconds or a ghost will rape you tonight, or some dead bitch is going to rape your mom – quit being dumb!..

Fuck you number 11
Tagged was created to keep up with friends. This is a test to see how many people in your friends list actually pay attention to you. Now why don’t you go on and repost this, maybe we can get through to some of the idiots on here!
If this made you laugh, or you agree with it, then repost this with:

FUCK U

Company Has to Lay Off 8 People

OK, I couldn’t help it, I had to repost this.

This is a letter that was written by a CFO, of a small company, to other CFO’s. I will probably catch some flak over this from the Obama supporters but, I thought it was funny!

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Fellow Business Executives:

As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama will be our next President, and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.

To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients will have to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8% but since we cannot increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we will have to lay off eight of our employees instead. This has really been eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family here and I didn’t know how to choose who will have to go.

So, this is what I did. I strolled thru our parking lot and found 8 Obama bumper stickers on our employees’ cars and have decided these folks will be the first to be laid off. I can’t think of a more fair way To approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I gave it to them.

If you have a better idea, let me know.

Sincerely,

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A Man Walks Into A Bar…

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink.

He replied, “No thanks. I don’t drink. I tried it once, but I didn’t like it.”

So the bartender said, “Well, would you like a cigarette?”

But the man said, “No thanks. I don’t smoke. I tried it once, but I didn’t like it.”

The bartender asked him if he’d like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, “No thanks. I don’t like pool. I tried it once, but I didn’t like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t be here at all, but I’m waiting for my son.”

The bartender said, “Your only son, I’m guessing.”

Cell Phone Text Messages #7

If you are easily offended PLEASE STOP READING NOW and get off my page!! Some jokes are racist and some are sexist! I am neither! So please DO NOT send me any hate mail! This is merely a collection of Text messages that float around everyday!

See the entire last at this link!

1. 3 hilbilly’s r sit’n in a diner jackin’ off. The waitress asks, “What the hell r u doin?” They pointed to the sign. (First Come first serve)
2. My wife told me 2 make luv like n the movies. So I stuck it in her ass & came on her face. She got mad. I guess we don’t watch the same movies.
3. A guy gets on a plane with 6 kids. A woman says “Awww, are these your kids?”He says “No, I work for Trojan, they are customer complaints!
4. Sex is like spades. If u don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand!
5. A girl tapes a dollar bill under her belly button & shows her friend. He says “What the hell is this?” Girl says “All you can eat under a dollar!”
6. This is a courtesy TEXT from adult video. We’d like to remind you that the DVD “Anal Sex with Male Goats” is 4 weeks past due. Please return ASAP
7. Things Mexican men do after sex: 2% eat, 3% smoke, 4% take a shower, 5% go to sleep & 86 % go home 2 their wives.
8. It’s not politically correct to call a “Whore” a whore anymore… They are called “Testicle Drainage Technicians”
9. 5 Stages of sex: At 18 u luv it, at 28 u beg 4 it, at 38 u pay 4 it, at 48 u pray 4 it, at 58 u hear about it!
10. The male sex life: At 18 you get it Tri-Weekly. At 38 you Try Weekly. At 58 Try Weakly
11. Bungee jumping is like getting a blow job from an ugly chick… It feels awesome but holy shit, don’t look down!
12. Why men like blow jobs…12% like the feeling… 8% like the domination… and 80% just like the fucking silence…
13. What do you call 6 old ladies lying naked on the front lawn of a nursing home? Retired prostitutes having a yard sale!
14. Next time u call in sick 2 work, tell em u have Anal Blindness. If they ask what that is? Tell em “I don’t see my ass comin 2 work today!”
15. FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of encyclopedias. No longer needed. Got married.. Bitch fuckin knows it all!
16. Q: Why were hurricanes normally named after women? A: Because when they come, they’re wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and your car with them.
17. Why do women have 2 sets of lips? One for pissing you off and one for apologizing!
18. Hey I wanted 2 ask u 4 a big favor. Im tryin 2 set up a haunted house 4 halloween & I need some ugly people. How much do you charge?
19. How to satisfy a woman: Spoil, kiss, rub, lick, tease, pamper, cuddle, worship, respect and love her. How to satisfy a man: Swallow!
20. You girlfriend might be a redneck if she can suck dick while chewin tobacco and still know which one to spit and which to swallow!
21. WAIT! STOP EVERYTHING UR DOING! Now think about me for 3 secs…1…2…3… U just experienced the best 3 seconds of your life, ur welcome!
22. IM SO PISSED!! I ost 2 retards today. 1 at Chucky Cheese, 1 at Wal-Mart, and WHERE THE HELL R U?
23. A penis says to his balls “Im takin yall 2 a party.” The balls say “Fucking liar, u always go inside and leave us outside knocking!”
24. A Horny husband was helping his wife set up a password 4 a computer, he typed in PENIS. The wife fell over laughing when it said NOT LONG ENOUGH TRY AGAIN
25. Have you heard about McDonald’s new menu item? It’s a deep fried pickle called… McDildo
26. Women’s reaction to dick size: 9″ pain, 8″ WOW, 7″ heaven, 6″ Perfect, 5″ mmm ok, 4″ Push harder, 3″ Fuck it, use your tounge!
27. Definition of Disappointment: Running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose first.
28. Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed. Little Bo Peep was giving him head. As he came, she started to weep. She knew by the taste, he’d been fucking her sheep!!
29. Y dont blondes talk during sex? Cause their mom always told them “dont talk 2 strangers”
30. Obama keeps preaching Change… Do you know what that means? C.H.A.N.G.E.: Come Help A Nigga Get Elected
31. A boy says to his dad, “Can you and momy do it doggystyle?” The dad asked “WHAT! Why?” the boy says cause I want a puppy!

A Husband’s Nightmare!

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.  A  lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out  the bath room door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.

Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smear e d over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bed-room, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?”

“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

The Sense of Freshness…

A new supermarket opened in Dallas, Texas. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce Fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and brats. In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped Miller Lite. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air Is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.

How Good Are You In Bed?

This one is fun.

Start at 50 and add or subtract points as stated for each statement
that applies to you…

Add 10 if you are a virgin.

-Subtract 5 if You have had sex before.

-Subtract 5 more if you have had sex with more then 5 people.

-Add 5 If you have never had oral sex.

-Subtract 5 if you have had or performed oral sex.

-Subtract 2 if you have had sex in a public place.

-Subtract 3 if you have done 69.

-Add 5 If you have never had an orgasm.

-Add 5 If you cant name 3 types/brands of condoms.

-Subtract 2 if you have masturbated.

-Subtract 3 if you have fingered/ given a handjob to someone else.

-Subtract 5 if you have used someone for sex (one night stand).

-Add 5 if You have never seen someone of the opposite sex naked.

-Add 3 if you haven’t been kissed in the past month. [At least not
romantic or passionately.]

-Add 2 if you have never masturbated.

-Add 5 if you have never seen or watched porn.

-Subtract 5 if you have made your own porn.

-Subtract 3 if you have participated in anal sex.

-Subtract 2 if you have used lube during sex.

-Add 5 If you cant remember your last perverted thought.

-Subtract 5 if you have used sex toys.

-Subtract 3 if you have had a perverted thought in the past hour.

-Subtract 2 if you have kissed someone of the same sex

Above75 means you kinda suck in bed.
Above 50 means you are not so good in bed..and not so fun
Below 50 means you are fun in bed
Below 25 means you are damn great in bed!

I got a score of 12 BTW!

PECANS IN THE CEMETERY

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just
inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts
and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

“One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,” said one boy. Several
dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he
thought he heard voices from inside t he cemetery. He slowed down to
investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you,
one for me.”

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just
around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

“Come here quick,” said the boy, “you won’t believe what I heard! Satan and
the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.”

The man said, “Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.” When
the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one
for me.”

The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been tellin’ me the truth. Let’s see if
we can see the Lord.”

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to
see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the
fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, “One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get
those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done.”

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid
on the bike.

Beer Contains Female Hormones

Last month National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

• Argued over nothing
• Refused to apologize when obviously wrong
• Gained weight
• Talked excessively without making sense
• Became overly emotional
• Couldn’t drive
• Failed to think rationally
• Had to sit down while urinating
• No further testing was considered necessary

Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer!
And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh! If you think they can handle it.

WHERE DO RED-HEADED BABIES COME FROM?

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. “Doctor,” the man said, “I don’t mind telling you, but I’m a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can’t possibly be mine!!”

“Nonsense,” the doctor said”.

“Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.”

“It isn’t possible,” the man insisted.”????? ?” This can’t be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.”

“Well,” said the doctor, “let me ask you this. How often do you have sex??? “

The man seemed a bit ashamed . “I’ve been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.”

“Well, there you have it!” The doctor sa i d confidently.

“It’s rust.”